Klein Bottle Five Twenty Six

probably no more updates on LJ... so

2009-08-11T04:02:23Z

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Edie Deserves More

2009-05-31T12:44:05Z

Hooray! My college years are virtually OVER!! I turned in my senior thesis on Tuesday, which I am picking up tomorrow in a complete "book" form, and this sucky philosophy of science paper was done Friday, just in time. I know I'm stupid and i was stupid enough to put off writing my senior thesis until 2 days before the deadline, so last weekend was quite hectic, but i think i can call it a miracle because I was watching Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives while I was working on it. I've watched the first series and several episodes from the second series of Grey's Anatomy, and the whole three series of Desperate Housewives in the past week. Oh I love these shows. Watching Doctor Who really got me interested in this kind of tv shows. I mean, i was never a big fan of tv drama shows but now I just love DW, GA and DH! Among all the characters in Desperate Housewives, I think Lynette and Gabrielle are my favorites. I love Mrs. McLasky (spelling?), too. I just hate Susan and Mike sooo much! Oh, and of course, Tom's sexy and Andrew Van de Kamp is so adorable. oh and I LOVE Edie. She doens't deserve to kill herself!!! T_T I'm hoping she'll be back alive in season 4... which i dont know because it's not available on my cable yet.

TRIP TO NY!!!!! PHOTOS!!!!!

2009-04-27T17:37:11Z

My mom and I went to Manhattan from April 15 to 20. Check out the pictures!!

CLICK TO SEE PHOTOS!!

NYU! and job wanted!

2009-03-29T06:04:01Z

As some of you may already know, I got accepted at NYU. It's the M.A. program in American Studies, and I'm so glad I got accepted, because it was my first choice among all and I had been rejected by all others (UCSB, UCI, and Queen's, and Trent who put me on the waitlist). So I'll be in NY next year from September. My plan is to work several part time jobs and apply for as many scholarships as possible for the next one and half years to get money before I actually start at NYU. So if there's any job you can give me or let me know about, please let me know. Here's the list of what I can do: translation (oral/written, Japanese-to-English and English-to-Japanese), web design and maintenance (HTML, CSS, Movable Type, Wordpress, and wiki), piano performance, music composition, Microsoft Office, and DTP (InDesign).

drunk 'runk 'runk!

2009-03-19T19:50:14Z

Oh my gosh, I'm so exhausted now. I went to a chicken bbq place with my mom and her friend. We had so much fun and we headed to a karaoke bar right in front of the chicken place. and after about 45 mins a group of approx 10 people came, young and old, male and female, all clothed in business suits. but they were so crazy. one guy started singing along with me with a mic and gawd he was so loud. but i found it amusing and fun rather than bothering.

so we, especially me and my mom, decided to have as much fun as possible in the given situation. but both of us, at the same time, pointed out that one of the guys in the group was cute. and that was when we got crazy. we picked songs that we thought they liked, like 90's pop and some rather inter-generational ones. and the guy actually came up on the stage with us several times to sing with us! and we were like, yes!

and funny thing is that my mom found out that there was another guy, rather quiet, but more good-looking than the guy. and she was like so excited each time he smiled at us! lol

we also sang some old songs like Enka and Kayokyoku, to please some of the old guys in the group and other customers there. and they really liked us! i mean, im used to singing songs in old japanese styles with "twists" and long-tones with strong vibrato, and the Mama (the big mama at the bar) and her son often danced to my singing. my mom and I did some duets too and, because our voices and techniques are quite similar to each other, we were almost like those twin singers or cousin singers who sing just like their partner.

it was so much fun! i really love singing at karaoke bars. karaoke boxes are okay, but it's sad that often times the people you go to karaoke with are your age and there's no intergenerational interaction. I enjoy meeting other customers and making friends with them, even if temporarily, because karaoke is about fun, not about singing only. singing in a karaoke box feels too usual, too everyday life to me, because it's so closed.

anyway, now im back home. with sore legs and a heavy stomach from drinking too much. I had 5 glasses of light cocktails at the chicken place, and 4 glasses of vodka & coke, as well as 8-9 glasses of shochu w/ oolong tea at the bar. i guess i should go to bed pretty soon. there's a grave-visiting tomorrow (or, this) morning so i have to wake up at least by 9 or 10, which is only 4 to 5 hours. which really sucks.

luckily i finished the translation work that I was supposed to do this weekend earlier today, but there's some other things that I have to do not very afar, like reading "Lesbian Phallus" and another chapter in Bodies That Matter by Butler and making a handout for our reading group on 26th. Another thing is a meeting with a prospective guest speaker for our gender studies course at ICU to discuss material of the lecture. that's this saturday. maybe there was something else that i cant quite remember at the moment but, well, she'll be right.

anyways, have a good nite, ppl.

maskee

i want to marry ashton kutcher

2009-03-15T07:47:21Z

Man three gradschools have rejected me so far and one waitlisted me. Still waiting on two more. But i'm not feeling optimistic about them, either. I should have started preparing earlier. letters of recommendation were good. But my essays weren't very good. Statement of purpose, oh i shouldof done more research on it, too. Jeez. I guess i'll just work as a freelance translator this year and prepare for readmission. I geuss private schools such as u of chicago, duke, and u of michigan are good options, too. they have good scholarships. anyway, overall, i shouldof done more research. i mean, its not like NYU and Queen's (sociology) already rejected me for this year, but I won't be able to afford it anyway even if i get into either of them. Well, a friend of mine working in a univerisity told me that because of the economic crisis theres' tons of people applying to grad schools instead of applyin for jobs. it really sucks that, coincidentally, this year, the biggest scholarship funded by the japanese govt got cancelled and i had to rely on other financial sources. and living in japan makes me feel like it's a wrong thing to take a year off. they usually don't take year-off's and if you do, they think you're a loser. i would be feeling much better if i were in the states, where i know friends who are not employed fulltime or enrolled in school, changing jobs every once in a while, having not much saving, either, etc etc. here in japan, it's like everyone's mind is set in ny business world standard. but the thing is i can't go to the states and not have a fulltime job or go to school as a parttime student, cus i dont have a legal status there. i'd have to get a work visa (requiring a full time job) or a student visa (requiring a full time student status) if i ever go back to the states. anybody know someone willing to get married to a complete stranger japanese gay person, when theres nothing she can get out of me except possibly getting a legal status for living in japan some years later? ho ho

so much to do. not much time.

2009-01-29T16:59:38Z

I've been busy for a past couple of days because of a lot of paperwork I had to do for graduate school apps. So far I've applied to UCSB, UCI and NYU (the states), Queen's University Sociology and Trent U in Canada. I'm still applying to the Cultural Studies program at Queen's and also Lancaster U in England. It's been too much work already putting together the letters of recommendation and transcripts and all other materials to be sent. All of the programs require a sample writing of approx 15 pages and as I haven't written any paper as long as that (well, I have but they are ones for disciplines other than my major, like psychology and English), I had to write a completely new paper from scratch... But yeah, I'm almost done and I feel really happy that I'm almost done.

But, uh, because I've been really busy lately, it's been relaly hard to keep up with schoolwork like assignments and exam prep. I had a political sociology midterm today but I wasn't really prepared. The exam was completely memorizing-based and there was so much to memorize! We even had to memorize all of the 12 features of an "ideal democracy" off the list that this Neuman guy created. I'm really an essay person when it comes to exams and today's midterm was just hell. Luckuly I finished in the half of the time given and left the room, and had time for other reading I had to do for a reading group session on Judith Halberstam, a much more interesting and informative reading than any of the political sociology readings.

after the reading group session we headed to McDonalds and 9 of us talked and talked and talked until we realzied most of us were almost missing the last trains. So me and some local people said bye to them and we headed home. Now im back at my apt and feeling a little bored and writing this. oh, and i just got a text msg from a friend saying there was this stupid boy who claimed to be a feminist. she says he's really macho. aaagh, everythings fucked up ne?

just me blah-blahing

2009-01-26T16:29:18Z

Oh, it's just too much now. I can't handle all this. Why do I have to be treated like I was the one that did harm to her when it was her that started all this in the first place? I raised voice because what she was doing was hurting me, further marginalizing me and tearing apart the voices of my friends. Now, just because I pointed to the efficacy of theory and suggested that she read some books before assuring herself a safe place of perpetual positioning, people are cramming over me saying I was too elitist. I am not indulging myself in academia, nor do I speak for the sake of academic theory. I am speaking from my heart, the heart that has been hurt by the very person they are defending.

Well, that was just me venting out random anger, so never mind.

Oh, and did I tell you that I began smoking cigarettes about a half year ago? Now I smoke about a half pack a day, which is not a good thing, of course, but I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying it partly because of Mr. NP. Still can't get him out of my mind. I'm tired of reminiscing about him. And I'm feeling almost stupid to bring this up. But I'm still mourning the loss. The loss that can never be forgotten or left behind, a hole that can never be filled. It is tragic that I don't even know what I want——recovery? replacement? response, or concealment? Nor do I know how exactly I feel. I just can't figure out. I can't come to terms with the loss.

blah blah blah

When I think of the people important to my life, I think of my mom, Kazui, Emi, Mr. NP and Maki-chan. I really wish that I could have them around all the time, all my life up to death. Now I'm applying to graduate schools and if I leave Japan again, I won't be able to hang out with some of them for quite a while. I know that I will meet some new people and make friends with some of them, but these five people will always be my best... er, friends? Not sure what word can fully describe what they mean to me. It might sound foolish but I would say they are my ideal companions in suicide if I am ever to do so. I feel like I have been scraped and the pieces of my skin off my body have been left behind and they are still stuck on those five people's skins, whose flesh is also being stuck on me. So much exchange, so much regrets, and I feel I have never been myself in and of myself because I am too much of a compound of different skins.

Most important... I'm hungry.

today

2008-11-10T14:15:15Z

so since i moved to Tokyo, and for other reasons as well, I stopped teaching ESL to my students in Gunma. now the only source of income is the part time translation work that ive been doing for the Center for Gender Studies at my university. which is not a stable job since most of the articles i translate are ones for their seasonal newsletters and journals. and so payment can be as low as $100- per month.
but i was extremely lucky my skools givin me a $5000 scholarship on the 25th!
so glad i no longer have to ask (beg?) for articles to translate... has been becoming harder and more awkward.

anyway, so i dont have to work that hard now to pay for food and social activities. but there was this woman who had contacted me and said she wanted me to teach her son English. i usually dont teach kids but its gon be just fun talking that she expected, just to have her son exposed to English more. so i went to Kichijoji to meet the mother and we had a fun conversation over tea and cake :-) very delicious cake actually. and she paid for me! yay yay :)

so now, well have our first lesson on the 22nd. i wonder what kind of kid he is... hope he is not too antisocial...

anyways i just got off the train and now getting outside the station gate. phew. im hungry... and its cold. like i said in my last post. all the stores and restaurants are closed cuz its 11 pm. grrr.

as u can probably see, yes im bored. i was gonna see my friend and have dinner with her but she cancelled the last minute. so sad somebody gave my bike a flattire as a prank last night. i have to take it to the repairer tomorrow... and that also why im walking home right now, which i dont think any of u might be interested in.

so my question now is... lawson or circleK. both are convenience stores and i wonder which one has better chips...hehe

oops i just realized i had already passed lawson... and im almost home. circleK is just 1 min past my apt so i think ill just keep walking and see if they have any good chips.

oh i just remembered i had recently been stopped by policemen riding a bike two times in a week. they said they wanted to make sure the bike i was riding was actually mine. haha. of course its mine i had just bought it only few weeks before lol and i told my friends about the incident and she told me the police stop u not cuz they really think u stole a bike but cuz they think you are suspicious :D bwahahaha

well now im at the convenience store. ill probablly come back tonight and write about an academic event that i attended.

bye

-msk

short update...

2008-11-09T10:06:45Z

I don't know why it took me this long to come back to LJ and finally write something down. I can't believe I've been neglecting this blog for almost 4 months. Here's the list of what has been happening during my 4-month absence from LJ:

o moved out and started living by myself in Tokyo,
o submitted an outline of senior thesis and got the approval of graduation candidacy,
o applied and won the scholarship of $5,000 worth,
o organized a dance performance of the theme of LGBT sexual minorities and women (YouTube videos soon available!),
o took the GRE,
o attended the Cultural Studies symposium and met famous scholars, activists, and graduate students (went to their after-party as well),
o could not go to the Japan Queer Studies conference in Hiroshima,
o did a group presentation on Marriage/Family in the Communication class, and it really sucked,
o took Chinese History and it turned out surprisingly out of my interest,
o having no Internet at my apt., not even planning to,
o best friend's mother passed away,
o its winter in japan now, and
o i have to read, write, read, and write......

religion in social context

2008-07-25T20:02:53Z

Japan's quite famous for having a large number of non-religious population (only 2% of the population are Christian). There are customs and traditions that originally come from Buddhism and Shintoism but most young people have no idea and they don't care. But some people, especially in their 60's and over, actually do some religious practice like visiting shrines and serving rice for the dead at Butsudan (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butsudan).

And my grandmother is one of those people. She serves her dead husband a small bowl of rice every time she eats rice. She would give me a bunch of amulets (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amulet) each time I left the country (6-9 times so far), which in fact is not a good thing to do according to some religious expert on the Internet lol. And she once told me that she thought it was sad that today no one believed in religion.

So, yeah, I always thought she was a Buddhist/Shintoist. But then, a few months ago when she, my mother and I were talking about her childhood, she said she used to go to church on Sundays when she was a child. And she seems pretty proud of it even today in 2008. And again she said, "nobody believes in religion anymore nowadays... shameful." I sensed, by her tone, that she thinks that being religious, whether Christian, Buddhist, Shintoist, or even mix, means decency and modesty. It doesn't matter which religion, but all that matters is that you conform to discipline. She said she could still sing hymns that she had learned at the church, as if it made her a better person in general.

I mean, I'm not trying to say my grandmother's stupid or anything. There must have been a good reason, probably the circumstances that she grew up in, for her (and probably a lot more people her age) to need to by all means display decency and modesty to survive the post-war devastation and social pressure on women. And I like non-religious people after all; when flyers were given out in my town that said Empress Michiko (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empress_Michiko_of_Japan) would pay a visit to her parents' house in the town, I passed the flyer to my grandmother, assuming she might be interested in going to the parade to see the famous "idol" wife of the country—but she said, "ha, I would go if she had a plan to throw money out of her car for the audience or something." I was surprised, but I realized I liked her better than before LOL Ever expect Empress, especially Japanese one (religious symbol, as well as colonial symbol), to do what this guy did? It's hilarious.

but yeah, it was interesting to see how, to some people, religion isn't just a belief system, but, you can see, it becomes more of a social thing sometimes.

big wave

2008-07-03T17:44:29Z

Why am I crying like this? at 2:36 in the morning in my room, alone and drunk? Why is there nothing I can do to change my life? Why do I not have the power to move on?

I'm so weak. I'm so stupid. I even had to use the aid of alcohol in order to cry. I'm usually too weak to cry. If I cry sober, I'll break down. I'll never be able to recover.

I'm sad. I'm sad. I'm stupid and sad. I should've stayed back. I shund't have made a step forward. I shud of said no. and i cud of said so.

y am i crying still? wot i want is so called homosociality, but my homosexuality never allows me to achieve homosociality with another man. And I feel dirty. Well, he was dirty as well, but if i had been less homosexual we'd have been more like friends, homosocial friends.

i know that's theoretically not ideal, but i still strive for it. help help help.

fuck

tehers so much to be depressed over.

Profile Updated

2008-07-02T17:05:15Z

I just updated my livejournal profile from scratch... well, I mean, I actually copied it from my mixi, a Japanese SNS. But I translated it. That should count.

kleinbottle526 @ 2008-06-26T23:54:00

2008-06-26T14:57:00Z

I done bad

hisashiburi de journale entree

2008-06-18T17:13:46Z

It's not like I haven't posted here for long but the entries I've posted in the last few months were nothing like real journals. I don't know why, I used to write a lot about what was going on in my life and now I don't feel like it. Or maybe, I've been just too busy to take time to summarize a day (honestly, it takes time. It also takes a little bit of courage to summarize a day, in other words, decide what parts of the day were worth-noting and what parts were not).

But I guess I should write about my birthday party. Click to see the pictures. It was a wonderful party, even though not so many people came. A few people cancelled the last minute and so I was kinda pissed off but as soon as I saw the people who came (Anna, Ryuichi, Maki, Mayu, and Deco), that just made me so happy that I didn't care anymore. Anna and Ryuichi made me a photobook with pictures of my friends and notes from them, and also with some pictures of cute guys LOL How SCHWEEEEEEEET is that! OMG! It's one of the best birthday gifts I've ever gotten from a friend! God! Maki gave me a really cute green fountain pen, and I've already run out of ink now :P I love it. Mayu gave me an electric fan LOL It's really cute.

Today was the last day of class. From tomorrow, our school has a final's week. Then school gets out on 25th! But I only have finals on Friday and Tuesday so my summer is just around the corner :D I have no plan for the summer though. The only thing I know for sure is I'm gonna team up with 5 or 6 scholars/students to organize a workshop at women's organization at the end of August. I'm so excited! It's gonna be my debut into the real academic world he he. But sad is that's the only plan I have at the moment. I should have some more. It's summer, and I'm still 21 (uh…, yeah, 23 officially). I have lots of plan for the next week including a party that me and some other people are organizing for the people who joined our reading groups at Center for Gender Studies this semester. Also my friend's friend's birthday party. And the biggest one (not in number but in significance) is the drinking party with the members of the workshop forementioned. I can hear my wallet's sob.

part of the reason why im relaxed enough to be excited about the parties is because I already finished my end-of-term papers and presentations for most of the classes. The most fun was the presentation I gave in the course called Language and Gender, and the topic I chose was sign language and gender/sexuality. I don't know if I followed the official instruction my teacher gave out as to how presentations should be organized, but I think the class pretty much enjoyed my presentation as much as I did. History paper was hell. I had to write about the British class system and i'm far from interested in that! so I kinda shifted the focus from the British class system within the country, and wrote about how the class system was imported and resisted by New Zealanders. Due on the same day was the sociology paper. I had to compare two sociologists from [Marx, Weber, Durkheim, Faucault, Bourdieu, and Habermas], and it was sooooooo hard, cus I didn't really see connections between each of them. it's partly the teacher's fault because the handouts she gave us was only 1-3 pages for each author. That really sucked and I'll never, ever gonna take a class with her. Game Theory was a fun class. We didn't do anything but assignments every week for the teacher to grade. The last day of class we played games (real games!) and it was sooo much fun! I made new friends, too. And I sorta thought the teacher was cute, so I gave him my email address LOL I'm not expecting anything, but just did it for fun.

Man, I have statistics final and physics final. Physics's the day after tomorrow and I'm not ready. It's not like a regular exam, the teacher said. It's gonna be more like short essays based on what he has talked about in the second half of the semester, WHICH unfortunately I have missed out on!!!!! UURGH, i dont know what to do. ask friends? uuuuuuuuu (sob)

anyway, its 2 am now. im getting sleepy so im gonna go to bed now. ciao ciao
-maskee

anybody know how to be nice AND heterosexual? or be homosexual and NOT nice?

2008-06-17T14:29:41Z

yattaaaaaaaaa!

o History paper on British class system
o Sociology paper on Marx, Weber, Durkheim, Faucault, Bourdeiu, and Habermas
o Physics experiment report & presentation
o Statistics assignments
o Game Theory assignments
o Language and Gender presentation on sign language and gender
o school festival paperwork (LGBT club joining the performance stage! woohoo!)
o two reading group sessions
o and 70mins x 18units of class

All these... ALL these in just ONE WEEK!!!!!!!!

im dead now...

my friend said i was acting like a straight guy cuz i was stressed out and not as nice as usual lol

Tagged by Ryuichi

2008-06-07T17:48:00Z

恋愛50問バトン【1】 Romance Baton 50 Q's

1. Do you have a good romantic relationship with somebody? and How long?
- Nope.

2. Describe your personality using five words.
- Stubborn, cheerful, fun, funny, and dramaqueen.

3. Describe your ideal boyfriend/girlfriend using five words.
- Intelligent, artistic, caring, passionate, and cute.

4. What's sexy to you?
- Smiles!

5. What leisure activity do you want your boyfriend/girlfriend to be involved with?
- Any kind of artistic activities like music, photography, theater and painting.

6. What's your marital status?
- Unmarried. Dismarried. Demarried. And Anti-Married.

7. Which comes first, friends or boyfriend/girlfriend?
- Depends. Sometimes you need to have your focus on one person to keep things right, but not always.

8. Do you think stereotypes based on one's blood-type are sometimes true?
- I'm not really sure about O and AB, but I tend to like people of blood-type B and do not really get along with people of blood-type A. Dunno why.

9. Do you prefer talking on the phone or text messaging?
- It totally depends. Usually I like txting and that's because I find it more convenient and useful, and it gives the other person more options and time before they have to respond. But I learned from my friend that sometimes you do need to hear people's voices rather read their texts.

10. Do you believe that it's possible to fall in love with somebody you've happened to hook up with?
- Maybe. Not for me.

11. Long-distance relationship?
- No. That's impossible. I need to maintain some kind of closeness physically and psychologically.

12. Do you have any kind of past relationship that you keep secret from your friends?
- Yes. But I'm pretty bad in keeping secrets, and I've annoyed people because of that. And so there's lots of regrets now.

13. How many people have you gone out with so far?
- Official: 3, Unofficial: 4. I wonder why I've been more serious about those "unofficial" relationships than the official ones.

14. When did you first realize you liked somebody?
- Like, real one? At 14, I guess. A guy from the same sport club. Same age. Now married and has a family.

15. When did you first kiss someone?
- I remember kissing my kindergarten girlfriend on the daily basis but that doesn't count, ey? I guess my real first kiss was when I was in high school?

16. When you like someone, do you usually tell them straight? Or rather wait for them to make action?
- It depends. What I like to do is though, never tell them I like them but show them that I do, and let them react in their own way, to see what happens.

17. In what way do you express your feelings to your crush?
- Any or some of the followings: show them I'm happy to see them, pretend to be too shy to act natural in the presence of them, express compliments, say things to make them feel special.

18. If you find out that your boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating on you, what do you do?
- Talk to him. Tell him I like him and ask him to put an end to the affair and get focused on his and my relationship. If that doesn't work out well, then I'll break up with him. Mmm, if only life was that simple!

20. What do you do right after you've been dumped?
- No 19th question??
- Cry in bed. Call mom and friends. Watch fun movies like Legally Blonde, Mean Girls, and High School Musical. Listen to sad songs and cry and cry and cry. Get over it.

21. What do you do to get over it?
- Like I said, cry, talk to people, and expose myself to fun stuff.

22. Do YOU break up with them, or do THEY break up with you?
- Them. Even when I wanted to break up with a girl in junior high, I didn't bother doing anything to break up but began making things uncomfortable for her and waited for her to break up with me. That was pretty mean of me, I know.

23. You've been rejected by someone you like, saying "I've never considered you as the opposite sex." Would you give up?
- That's a very heterosexist question, but let me read it as "I consider you to be in the category that I automatically filter out when seeking romantic relationships." And my answer is, NO, since I've met lots of self-identified straight guys who ended up bisexual or even homosexual in effect, if you know what I mean.

24. What are your current relationships with your ex's like?
- Friends. Less than friends. Best friends. Enemies. And too-complicates.

25. Whom do you talk to about your boyfriend/girlfriend issues?
- Mom. Friends who me and my boyfriend both know. I don't have any crush at the moment, but current list of possible people for this kind of talk: Anna, Maki-chan, and Ryuichi.

26. Describe "men."
- Phallus-lovers.

27. Describe "women."
- They are too diverse to be described in language.

28. What's sex to you?
- Exciting interaction of any kind. It doesn't have to involve intercourse. Nudity is unnecessary. Physical direct contact helps but not always. Suppose you are the solo violinist in school orchestra and your guest conductor is a real hottie and you've just done a wonderful job at the performance and he gives you a sexy smile. I consider that to be sex. Call me perv.

29. Should sex be involved in a romantic relationship?
- Not necessarily. It helps, but it only helps.

30. Do you prefer to be liked more than you like them? or the other way around?
- If I like them enough, doesn't matter how much they like me. I'm happy and sad and everything all the same.

31. Any tip for prolonging a relationship?
- I DO NOT KNOW.

32. Jealousy and control—to what extend would you tolerate them?
- Depends. I believe it should be evaluated on the case-by-case basis.

33. When do you feel loved?
- When they do something for me that they usually would not.

34. What's attractive to you?
- Smiles. Intelligence. Weakness. Dirty mind. Accented English.

35. What's unattractive to you?
- Perfection. Laziness. Indecisiveness.

36. In what season do you want a boyfriend/girlfriend most?
- Early summer and late autumn.

37. What lessons have you learned through your past experiences?
- (1) You should not violate your partner's privacy. (2) Dishonesty only makes more to come. (3) You gotta be grateful to your partner just being there for you. (4) You should not expect your partner to think, act, say things just like you. (5) You should never ever take it for granted that you partner tries to make you happy.

38. What difference do you think there is between popular guys/girls and unpopular ones?
- Enthusiasm.

39. What celebrity do you like the best?
- Teppei Koike. Orlando Bloom. Zac Efron. Norman Reedus.

40. What love song/book/movie do you recommend?
- [movies] Total Eclipse. Monster. [music] All Miyuki Nakajima's songs (you can probably find English translations of her works). [book] Zangyakuki (by Natsuo Kirino).

41. Have you ever been disillusioned by reality in terms of relationship? And how?
- At some point I realized sex was not as pure 100% sweet as I had expected but in fact very complicated and there's so much to take care of. I sometimes feel lazy.

42. What was your most heart-breaking experience?
- Too much of a story to tell here. I haven't completely recovered yet.

43. Do you think you'll ever make up with your ex?
- I hope not, because those people I've met are too nice people for me.

44. Have you ever had someone, not quite a boyfriend/girlfriend but way more than just a friend?
- Yes. Quite a few. Bittersweet memories. Well actually, a little more bitter than sweet.

45. Have you ever seriously considered to get married?
- Never.

46. What important elements besides love do you find necessary in a relationship?
- Respect. Balance between mutual trust and independence. Similar hobbies and interests.

47. What do you think you as a partner lack?
- Tolerance. Understanding. Willingness to compromise.

48. Make a wish.
- I hope all my ex's are happy now and they will be so for the rest of their life.

49. What's a "good relationship" to you?
- Is there anything like that? Every relationship is good and bad at the same time.

50. Comment?
- Answering all these questions made me realize how much I'm stuck in the past.

51. Tag 3 people.
- Keiko, Anna, and Monica.

I'm like, "uh……, okay…?"

2008-06-07T09:40:52Z

Just found out my 82-year-old grandma used to love Michael Jackson LOL

A.R. in Ackld!

2008-05-16T16:41:34Z

my god... Adam Rickitt now lives in Auckland?! that's f**king awesome!!!

Please, please please please

2008-03-28T17:32:48Z

some of you may already know, but I'm planning to go to a grad school. It's one of the UC campuses, and they don't have much space for international applicants for financial support. but it's the school that i really, reeealy want to go, and im in trouble cus my financial situation is telling me that i can't afford it.

so if you have any info about good scholarships, please please please leave a comment, LJ message me, or email me.

(if you know someone rich and gay who likes fat boys, that's a really good piece of information, too lol)

so please scroll down to see my profile.

if this scholarship thing doesn work out, then i'll most likely get a job first after graduating from ICU and work for a few years. But it might take more than a few years because i'm already in the ICU loan program and I'll have to start paying back when I get a job. and the grad school, usually students spend 7 years there until they get Ph.D. so it'd be very, very great if i could use scholarships.

=====
current status: university junior (graduating in June, 2009)
scholarships for: University of California, Santa Cruz. 7 years of study for Ph.D
GPA: 4.0 (this will probably go down by the time i graduate, but im sure it will never go below 3.5)
sex: male
nationality: japanese (the only citizenship i have)
countries where i have spent more than 6 months: Japan, NZ (Auckland), US (California)
languages: Japanese, English
religion: non-religious
ethnicity: asian
disability: physically disabled father (divorced)
marital status: single

ACT w/ writing: 27
TOEFL iBT: 107
current major: sociology
grad school program: History of Consciousness (Humanities)

skills: music (composition, piano/sax performance, theory, vocal), Judo, ice-skating, web design

parent's income: $45,000

interests & attributes: Fat Acceptance Supporter, Gay, Single Parent Home, Social Action, Study Abroad, Transgender

experience in student activism
=====

*I'm willing to participate in essay scholarship programs

and your advice will be appreciated, too.
e.g. "i used this scholarship", "why don't you ask my friend, ***, cus they have this LGBT organization, they might have scholarships for people like you", "i'd recommend you go to this school rather than UCSC because they have lots of scholarships for international students" etc. etc.

thank you so much!!

we all luv binaries

2008-03-18T19:15:24Z

The other day my friend gave me his number so I was saving it on my cell and my another friend looked at the screen and she said, "oh…, septen and april… that's how you view your friends at ICU?" She was referring to the categories that I had created in my address book and I suddenly felt very bad. I created those categories simply because it seemed the easiest way to organize the entries but why was it the easiest way? Exactly, it's because that was how I viewed my friends at ICU! When I see someone at school, i automatically identify them as april or septen (or, teacher lol). That's my lens thru which i see people at ICU. And I wasn't aware of it until my friend was shocked to see my address book categories. It was obvious that she felt disappointed, or even sad. And I felt really bad. It's got nothing to with whther she's in fact april or septen, it's more about how I view her and what I call her, how i introduce her to people, and which aspects of hers I choose to describe when describing her whole being. "April" comes earlier than later.

in my japanese blog i was bitching about my friend using overtly gendered language like "men did this for me" and "men went home" in her journals, saying she only views people either as male or female, but look what im doing, the same thing. i feel so bad. I'll take time before goin to bed tonight and change the category names…….

You Know You're In Japan When…

2008-03-09T03:30:40Z

This "you know … when …" thing is all about over-generalization so don't take this too seriously (but if you really think there's something terribly wrong, please tell me because I welcome criticism). And please note that all these come from my own experience so while they might not necessarily be the Japan thing, it's not fiction.

so here it goes;

*If you open a door for somebody that's walking from the other side and that person does not say thank you, it's not because they are not nice people, but because you did something wrong.

*You sing a song from more than a year ago and you'll be KY (Kuuki Yomenai i.e. you are doing something inappropriate).

*You almost never see a homeless person talking to a non-homeless person on the street, no begger.

*You express your anger towards injustice like war, discrimination, etc. and you will be considered "too aggressive" and a problem to be solved rather than someone trying to solve social problems.

*You see your friend and talk to them, completely aware of the people accompanying them, but what you should do is not to talk to those accompanying folks or even look at them, but finish the conversation asap so that they can come back to existence in their world.

*You hear nothing from human rights advocacy groups or any kind of activists on news except occasionally.

*On news, you hear nothing but mere facts and stereotypical assumptions by hosts and guests as to why a perpetrator has commited a crime. No sympathy whatsoever, except when the perpetrator is none of the followings: a nerd, a promiscuous woman, a NEET, a foreigner incl. immigrant, a mental patient, a disabled person, an ugly person, a poor person, a homeless person, a single mother, an unnice neighbor, a mother who doesn't cook, etc.

*You hear lots of racist remarks from comedians and even news reporters and they can get away with them.

*You don't know how to use all the functions that came with your cell phone (even half of them!), so you go get a manual, and end up getting even more confused.

*You felll in love with certain songs last year, but you don't like them anymore because nobody else likes it anymore.

*You have never liked studying, nor have your friends ever.

*You think NGO and NPO are just groups of stupid people doing stupid things in their spare time and when they get into trouble they are to blame, not the social issues they are working on.

*You are an elementary kid and go to a restroom and take more than a few minutes, you'll get bullied because you "did it".

*No one says you're wrong, but they think you are.

*You just got divorced, and therefore, denied salary raise.

*You have been raped, but it's your fault. (hm, this is not only Japan, isnt't it?)

*If you are a woman and masturbate, it's basically Don't Ask Don't Tell.

*If a homophobe approaches you and finds out that you are homosexual, they don't just shoot you like someone did in California last month, but they harrass you to the extent that you want to kill yourself.

*Not so many people sing great, but not so many sing poor either.

*You take notes on every word your teacher says.

*Your amniotic fluid will get rotten when you turn 35. (see THIS)

*You are gay and people ask you why you are gay.

hungry

2008-03-06T20:33:42Z

I'm very hungry. And it's 5:30 a.m. and I'm on a diet. There's some food to eat in the fridge but I don't want to eat anything until when I wake up. But I'm hungry. Should I go to bed now? But I don't want to go to bed. Maybe I can bring my laptop with me so that whenever I feel ready for falling asleep I can and I can use the Internet until the last minute. Yes. That's it. That's what I'm gonna do.

weird ads

2008-03-05T16:19:27Z

what the hell, is everybody seeing the same ad on my LJ? cus it's like, man/workout/muscles and stuff, w/ pics of half naked guys. or am i seeing it because LJ knows that im gay and everybody else is seeing different stuff?

plan for march

2008-03-04T12:36:48Z

Winter term is over now. I'm so glad that I finished JLP (Japanese Language Program), cus it's been like torture. I had to write a 10,000-character paper at the end of the term! It's more than 10 pages and that was my first time at least in a past few years to write anything that long in Japanese (probably the first time ever in my entire life). So that was torture. I also had to write two papers for other classes, one for Gender Relations class and the other for literary theory and feminism class. The one I wrote for the lit class turned out to be a very good essay (dunno about grade but I really think i've done a good job). It's an analysis of my own writing from 2006 short story literature course at Diablo Valley College. I really, really think it's interesting, so if you are interested in feminist critique and care for some coming-of-age short story about a Japanese boy, and have some spare time for reading them, post a comment or talk to me privately and i'll send you the story and analysis.

yeh, so, exams were ok. I think I did pretty good. I had JLP (Kanji, reading and Yoji-jukugo), Social Psychology (the boring class/lecture/teacher/exam ever!), Intro to JP Society (teacher who doesnt speak english taught this in english…), History of Science (the great teacher resigns this year…, im glad i took one of his last classes), Language Disorders (very cute teacher, old and bald but veeery cute especially the way he talks!, and i learned A LOT!). And i don't think i failed any of those. Dunno, though, until the next term when i get the grade from my advisor.

anyway, during the final week and after, i went to sevelra parties. One party with people from AH section from ELP (guess what it stands for :P), another one with Septen people (those who take JLP), and the other with my mom, her cousin and her daughter. The first two were in Kichijoji, and the family one in Ashikaga city in Tochigi Pref. (oh, just rememberd ashikaga is where i was born).

On Thursday I went to school and turned in my G.R. paper, killed time at the bookstore near Musashi-sakai station, then headed for Kichijoji to meet my friends from AH at a pasta place. We ate A LOT! And i made some new friends. We went to karaoke and i sang two songs but i had to go home cus i live in Gunma Pref. that means I have to leave Kichijoji around 10 p.m. to get back home around midnight. It was fun, and i'm glad they invited me to the party cus usually aprils and septens don't hang out together, cus when septens enter ICU aprils have already spent one term (2-3 months) together. So it's a cool thing that they actually included me as one of the section members.

Ayway, so i went home, finished my fore-mentioned lit. paper that had been half-done. Then next morning i revised it and emailed it to the teacher at 9:59, a minute before the deadline ha ha. And then I took a nap. Around 6 p.m. my ESL student came and we had a class until around 8:45. I rushed to the station and got to Kichijoji about 10:15 (so quick!), and joined the septen crazy people at an izakaya. I had soooooooo much fun there, talking to people and getting drunk, cus i had money that I could spend (just got money from the guy i teach english) i didnt care how much i drank. talking to yusuke is additive! ha ha then we went to karaoke. stayed the whole night and went to mcdees and said goodbye. me and Hide (pronounced he-deh) went to his house and took a nap until about 2 p.m. that was a fun time too. then we split and i went home to join my mom and her cousins n her daughter.

The party was held at a gig bar in ashikaga downtown. my mom's cousin told us that the band members were all doctors from the neighborhood LOL my mom and her cousin were having fun talking to their old friends (cus they used to belong to the commnity there, i mean, before they started the bar, it was a hostess bar (google "japanese hostess bar") and my mom and her cousin used to be hosutesu, so). We were invited to the after party at another bar so we went, but the guy who invited us was such a dickhead so we left. we were gonna go to a karaoke place but we didn't, cus my mom had a class the next morning. which, by the way, she ended up not going to cus she had a backache lol she was like "I WISH WE HAD GONE TO KARAOKEEE!!!" ha ha

yeah, so, thats all that happend recently. Tomorrow i'm going to another party. Its JLP party. the students and teachers will get together and have lunch at school. it'll be tight cus now we are not teacher-student. I might also go to another party at night cus i just got invited from a septen guy. it totally depends on what time and who's coming, but yeah, i might go.

phhewwwwwwwwwww

oh, and by the way, i started doing exercise at the gym downstairs at my new apartment. I also started eating healthy and having dinner early. I'm also planning to read a lot of books that I have always been supposed to be reading so long ago. There are 15 books that I have borrowed from friends and teachers and have NOT given them back. There are more than 20 books I own but have not read and want to read. So in april, hopefully people at ICU will see a smarter, more fit maskee walking in to Shin-D (kind of a cafeteria), he he.